All religions, no matter how respectable and established they seem now, were once cults. Most of the rules that would get them branded as cults are still “on the books” just not enforced in the same way a cult would because they have too many members to try to control.

Just give him his stapler back already!

He also appears in Bud ads, which is probably not something a recovering alcoholic should be doing.

Well, we wish you luck. And while Fox News won’t cover your funeral, we will make sure it covers your cat’s funeral. Cuz none of this is his fault!

Go comment on Russian websites, commie.

I have a girl, and put her in as many cardigans as I can get away with. Bonus: with a girl you can dress her as your little twinsie for a while, which I will continue doing as long as I can.

I’m really looking forward to these kids retaking Calais together.

He’s got way too much confidence for a man with a toddler body.

From “Yes We Can” to “No Fat Chicks”.

Oh, good. Proud Know-Nothing inserts himself and his bland platitudes into the most complex diplomatic situation in the world. This will surely end well.

She also, insanely, talked about black peoeple’s lower voter turnout, saying it might have something to do with cultural differences, because of course when she grew up, her family went to vote together and black people maybe just didn’t do that!

But also both a criminal mastermind genius dictator and completely weak and ineffectual. It’s impressive everything he has both accomplished and not accomplished at the same time.

Miss Gabby, as long as your top covers your butt, leggings as pants is totally fine.

During a sporting event, you are only allowed to take a knee while praying to White American Jesus™ or running out the clock. No other knee related movements are okay.

How Peter King and a thousand hot-takers across the nation read this:

This is an excellent take that will be drowned out by rocket fuel-level takes from fans and talking heads alike real soon. So I will applaud this before the avalanche of hate-fueled and/or point-missing retorts comes, in and out of the league.

His Lenk Lewks for Less feature is my current favorite on Instagram.

Leaf on the wind.... sobbing

As we reported, our Angelina sources claim Brad heavily indulges in weed and alcohol...

I liked George Clooney’s response--and I didn’t find it “hilarious” or particularly awkward. It was a mixture of “That sucks for my friends” and thinly veiled disgust at a weasely reporter asking him to comment on celebrity gossip (about his friends) while he was at the United Fucking Nations, probably talking about…