how about smushing your face against the microphone while telling a story about the family dog peeing on the rug?

I thought fancy dogs were good at finding things.

O’Reilly, in the peculiar position of seeming reasonable

Goddam. This lady has all the balls in Washington.

And this is Nermal.

Remember Cat Marnell’s essay about how abortion is bad and terrible and totally murdering a baby, and yes she’s had lots of them and will undoubtedly have more because she hates condoms and birth control makes her fat which makes it perfectly acceptable in her case, but they’re still horrible when anyone else has…

You are using logic and rational thought. Stop it!

Ah! So the problem with superfunds site is not the polluting corporations who leave behind a huge mess for other people to clean up. It’s the evil gubmint who forces those corporations to clean up their mess and watch over them while they do it?

It was not so long ago that LA, Pittsburg, SLC and many other American cities looked similar to the pictures we see from Delhi and Beijing.

I’m all for rich Trump supporters to throw around money while desperately telling everyone they meet that they’re not racist. I get the impulse, and the $450 is crazy generous. But saying the equivalent of, “Oh, you’re one of the good ones. Here’s some money.” still seems off putting.

He’ll be caught blowing Tim Tebow in a Chipotle bathroom in no time.

Remember “BUT BERNIE!” “HILLARY DISHONEST!” “HER EMAILS!!!!” “TEACH DNC LESSON!”?

This is my only joy lately, knowing that those Good Salt of the Earth Everymen who voted for this rancid orange barnacle will soon be well and truly fucked as a result of their actions. Of course, we all will be to a certain degree. Just let me have this schadenfreude for a moment longer.

My Trump-voting colleague has spent the last year interviewing and going through the motions to enroll in a particular federal job training program that would have guaranteed him a significantly higher salary and better benefits than our current job. Hebjust told me that he can’t get hired now because of Trump’s…

These fucking guys can’t even insult us properly.

The alternative fact of the matter is that he won 95% of the total votes and his approval rating is higher than an adorable kitty hiding in a box of packing peanuts

oh, but we didnt demoralize him, sean - he came to us, quite honestly, without any morals at all.

Aww, Donny, are you having a rough day? Do you need a nap before you have to put on your big boy pants and GOVERN THE FUCKING COUNTRY LIKE AN ADULT?