I actually remember the first time I heard the words, “pussy fart” and I laughed so hard I peed. I peed!

Though part of me likes this other gif for toast . . . . because I am hungry and making breakfast for lunch.

This may just be me, but it took me awhile to get comfortable enough to take a shit with my girlfriend around. She could be downstairs completely unaware of the savagery going on, but I always feared a massive fart/splashing situation would terrify her. And me.

Our bodies are gross and weird, and the more we try to cover it up, the weirder it will all seem.

Sheeeeeit I get super turned on by sex queefs. Especially during cowgirl or doggy. First time it happened was during sex with a girlfriend in college. She kept apologizing and laughing but didn’t want me to stop, and they just kept coming and I got harder and, well, here we are. Super turn on for me now. Weird? Don’t…

Yeah my husband loves it when I have gas. I would.prefer he didn’t lift his leg to let it rip and wage it around but I don’t care if he carts and it’s usually funny when either of us burp or fart. Can’t imagine keeping that in all the time. this is my home where else should I go to fart!?

Yep! Farts are funny as fuck!

Next on “After Hours With Martha Stewart”...

After having two babies, I am the reigning Queef Queen. I am a benevolent ruler.

I have had a woman fart while I was eating her out. She grabbed me and pulled me up to face her as fast as she could.

This was really...really... really, really cool.

The first time my partner and I had sex, we finished and he collapsed on top of me. The collapse made our bodies combine into one, giant, swearty armpit-fart sound. Needless to say, we were horrified, and then laughed for 5 minutes.

At times I know I’m full of air mid afternoon delight so I ask my fella to give me a good squeeze and problem solved. No embarrassment, just par for the course. We also discuss the following days dinner options, try to make the other laugh with a terrible joke and stop the headboard from banging the wall too much...

Absolutely nothing. My girlfriend and I fart, and burp around each other all the time. She’s disappointed that her farts aren’t super audible, but her belches are impressive.

Sorry, let me clarify. Not gonna last because the farting is stifled & hidden. Not enough farts was my point.

How can you be with someone for six years and only hear him fart once? Don’t people fart in bed? Am I and my ex extra gassy? Who knows.

No more Ask a Clean Person here?? I am a teary mess too, this is one of my favorite Gawker columns of all time. Thank you for all the amazing advice, Jolie! You saved my couch! I’ll be sure to check you out at Esquire, but you’ll be very missed here.

I love you guys, I really do. But these videos are unilaterally awful. The tone is weird, and definitely not aligned with the rest of the Gawker #brand. And they’re not funny enough to be watchable given the lack of information they contain. (Really, what did this one tell me? Have friends? Play music? Pick a theme?…

Ordering mine now, I’ve been in the market for a new one. Thanks Kinja Co-Op!

Ordering mine now, I’ve been in the market for a new one. Thanks Kinja Co-Op!