I don’t mind a bit of chit chat.

Well glad I already donated to Planned Parenthood today.

Pray Daily for the women who abort, their children, and the providers.

To be fair... There really isn’t such a thing as a spoiler in a biopic - It’s not like Hank is gonna shock us all and become Persident of the United States... UNLESS he was actually a secret agent working for the Russians! Or North Korea! Or as a transplant from Mars!

100% more snake hips

I cry at about 40% of commercials, add animals or dads and you bump that up to 70%

Baby Clydesdale!! Who will only grow up to pull beer trucks? Beer sleighs?

What will happen when these non-white retailers go out of business? Why, they’d need government assistance!

BRB, going to open up ‘Atheist Gas and Sin’ in Alabama. I love to roll the dice.

Unfortunately he won’t understand any of your references. Dollars to donuts he uses the phrase “jewing them down” on a regular basis.

Good question! He did specify to avoid stores“with the lights around the windows and doors.” Which is funny because it’s Christmastime, and thiiiiis year (to save us from tears?) angry Christians have thrown hissy fits every time a store’s everything isn’t overtly Christmas themed, so presumably more and more stores…

Maybe the person who wrote “God Bless Alan” meant it like “God Bless him and that tiny pea brain that is rattling around his his big potato head”

Especially when very few things are actually American made anymore, and many of the things that are American made (cars, I’m looking right at you) suck donkey balls.

You should have to renew your marriage like you renew your driver’s license, but more often. Every two years the first decade, then every five years. Both parties have to actively sign a piece of paper or an internet form, otherwise the marriage is dissolved

That is 100% true. Some years ago, I was working with a neurologist when he did a small study on relationship status of glioblastoma patients - all the male patients? Their wives/SOs stayed with them till death. All the female patients? Their husbands divorced them. ALL. It was a small enough study that the results…

Unsurprised. Did they do a gender analysis? I’d bet all my doughnuts (WHICH IS THE BIGGEST BET I CAN MAKE) that women heart patients don’t see as large a benefit from marriage as the men do.

This is the guy where you go out for “a quick drink,” and wake up on a beach in Tijuana, clad only in thong, sombrero, and sunburn, apparently newly wed to a suspect Frenchman.

I can imagine doing the same thing with my cat... she would try to wedge herself into any little bit of space between us, and if that failed she would then sit off to the side and howl like she was being murdered until we paid attention to her. And then she would go skulking off mournfully, and give us the stink eye.

I want to party with this guy.