if it was a million dollars and something more useful that a necklace. Like a clawfoot bathtub.....or the library from beauty and the beast....

i’m stealing this idea for when i have a hell spawn

• knowing that he probably hasn’t washed his sheets in months, and that you have severe dust mite allergies

I have the sides and back shaved on mine, and probably once a week I consider just buzzing off the middle, but then I remember my sad head bumps and stop myself.

I had surgery to remove a tiny benign hand tumor on monday, which involved cutting open the top of my thumb and removing the nail, scraping out my thumb innards, then sewing the nail back to my hand. It’s my second go, because last time the tumor grew back. I had to seriously put my foot down about not coming in,…

Ours are combined. We do have an extra bank of medical days for medical leave, but the last time I tried to take them the HR department tried to talk me out of it, which means that we don’t really have them.

Every couple of years I go through a blonde phase, and either get highlights or bleach the whole thing. One time when I was particularly in a self esteem low and was super blonde, I asked my mother what she thought of it, and she said point blank to my face that it made me look trashy.

...that is seriously fucked up

On my first go, I had 4 bridesmaids, and I only talk to one and a half of them to this day (half because we social media stalk each other, but don’t really hang out anymore). When I go for round 2, I’m considering just having an informal ‘support group’ of humans.

You can try a low line bra, but even that’s pushing it when you get into the D’s. I have one that I wear with my sleeveless dresses, because there is no ‘just strapless’ bra on this planet what can tame my chest beasties.

This. I’m in two weddings next year, and while I will conform to whatever these bitches want, but my boobs can not go out with no bra or in those chicken cutlet things.

I’m the tray whore. I am not ashamed.

ahahahaha my dad shaved his when I was 22, and it legit took me five years to get used to it, only to have him grow it back this year. Only now he’s also over his ‘just for men’ hair dye phase, so that caterpillar is jet white!

They do have Captain Phasma toys at Best Buy, but I think that’s because she just looks like a chromed out stormtrooper, and maybe as long as she doesn’t have obvious boobs dad’s can just pretend she’s a boy.

The man human doesn’t *do* other people so much. When I found him, he had 1 best friend and 1 other friend by proxy because it was the best friend’s roommate. I have never met the best friend in person, because as my boyfriend puts it ‘Why would I hang out with him, I have you, why do I need more than one person?’

Yeah I don’t get that shit either. I mean I work in a male dominated area, my major in college was mostly dudes, my office is mostly dudes (but we’re gaining on them), so it makes sense that I would have mostly dude friends. When I was single, it seemed like that was a pretty big deal to some guys, like I had a third…

I feel your pain. All the other girls at my daycare got to be the yellow or pink power ranger, like there were at least three pink rangers and two yellow rangers. The one time I asked to be the pink ranger, the other girls elected me the brown (with a specific reference to the color of poo) ranger and told me my…

This. My mother looked amazing till she moved from Texas to Iraq, she never moisturized but it’s humid as shit in Houston. Four years in the desert with no lotion and her forehead is so sad and wrinkled. Her little sister on the other hand is a devotee of the lotion and still looks like she’s in her late 20’s.

Took a pee test last night because despite being pretty careful I’m two weeks late, even though I know it’s just my body being stupid. My boyfriend asked if I’d taken one before and I just looked him and laughed.

Hey IC makes some cute not-too-much shoes, I stand by my wedding shoes, with their killer robots. Granted this was like six years ago...