Jalopnik staff, would you be up for running a couple of articles to see if we can do this? We’ve found people’s stolen cars before, I’d bet we can get Tom’s Subaru. I’m not spending shit during this lockdown - I’m good for $100

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To do everything QAnon ever wanted, in one moment
Would you derail it, or just end short of the ship?

Yo! His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already: Mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To sink…

I wouldn’t trust billionaires to know how to drive

IKR. I think all ER and ICU nurses and doctors should be required by law to be driven to and from work by one of these driven by a billionaire for at least a year.

Lets spot her the 2500 to get the MS3. David Tracy nailed it this time even though that car has interior styling straight out of a metro bus.

An attempt was made.

Missed it by this much.....

seriously, someone forward me the venmo. I got a 5 spot.

He would have stirred it by leaning in the desired direction in his train seat

No shit. He thought he could steer a train off the rails over curbs, fences, and two intersections?

You’re an ICU nurse? Today, the question isn’t what car you should buy, it’s what car we should buy for you.

but it might blow over

The xB is basically a Corolla with a funky body in it.

If you don’t get to work I might die, so please buy a Corolla.

Gonna’ miss you Kristen a bunch here at the ol’ J-lop, but wish you the best of luck at your new digs at Business Hard Cider. That’s the place, right?

Good to see you, Alanis. The hate mail and booze videos won’t be the same without you and Kristen. How goes it at the new job?

OK rude 

What? How can this be? Kristen, you are one of the most original, gifted, and wealthy writers for Jalopnik, or any car or other site, anwhere, period. Don’t go, BUY the damned site!

It is so extraordinary to be able to find yourself at a job where you can basically say whatever you want.

Your articles have always had an honest take and I for one appreciated that.  You will be missed!