In Waymo’s defense, he did reach forward and tear Johnny Cab from its mount.

“Hey, I’m walkin’ here!” ~ Midtown Cowboy (2025)

{Johnny Cab freaks out.mp4}

Still, I’d rather meet a random person on the street with my birthday than poop uncontrollably with them!

I like how, front-to-back, the i8 starts out gorgeous and ends up stupid.

Before Marcel made it to the Oakland Zoo, though, it spent a night in the arresting officer’s home before being left in the care of Madera County Animal Services.

I’m the same way on cold mornings.

I don’t mean to brag, but the average car I drove this year was really, really average. Like, too average. I have to keep a picture of it in my wallet to remember what it looks like.

“Honey?”

Don’t do it!

“Andy, you forgot your pants.”

/rushes to typewriter, hurriedly pens script about a young man who has a bicycle accident on radioactive road and becomes the superhero Road Rash.

I got a dent in my Cybertruck too, but put a bunch more dents in it so the initial one didn’t stand out. And my fix was free! 

Customs Agents Seize $1.4 Million In Counterfeit Vehicle Inspection Stickers

The better condition you’re in, the easier it is to get injured, I told my wife while avoiding Leg Day.

Tired: Alpha male.

It’s like putting a Pop-Tart into a toaster.

Don’t fall for it, Mazda! I bet she told you she only drove it on Sundays, to church, too!

This. This is why I only travel with a suitcase full of dildos.

Elevator Pitch: Twilight Zone’s “Time Enough at Last”, but instead of breaking his glasses he realizes he forgot to pack a can opener.