My boyfriend's dad claims to be allergic to gluten, yeast, garlic, and onions. It's truly impossible to eat out with him, and actually, no fun to eat with him in general.

You know, just wriggling in the proximity of your sphincter, itching, etc.

*isn't innocuous.

One HOPES.

Why can no one spell "pus" correctly?

As long as you're cool with the sensation of maggots eating the dead flesh of your butthole.

I don't know why, but this gif is cracking my shit up.

All you L7 motherfuckas who voted for caffeine need to re-examine your lives.

"I have a friend who is a Tibetan Medicine doctor (she's a white lady..."

Assuming that you can't cover the shirts, I'd wear the American Apparel one because I'd rather people think I'm a dork than have to deal with being schooled on my fashion sense. I mean, the F21 shirt is a contraction in terms.

People do it so they don't have a double chin in their photos

At least missionary ends with an orgasm. Coffee just gives you the runs.

Even that picture is boring!

Ha! SAME. I'm the only female member of the Joint Chiefs, out in the garage. For the same reasons. I mean, I'll totally chat and do stuff with the other women, but the guys do more fun shit.

When we are with my boyfriend's friends and their wives and girlfriends, I hang out with the guys. One of the wives takes some offense, but, sorry, I'd rather hang out with my boyfriend than watch "Frozen" with you and your kids in the other room.

That sounds terrible.

We can all LIVE without caffeine, too.

Weed, gin, Xanax, champagne.

WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT? You all are nuts.

You all are hopeless. Have fun with your coffee.