Dronedarone, Cortisone, Percocet, Horse Tranquilizers. But no steroids. That’d be morally wrong.

For some reason I don’t feel like blaming the loss on the only guy who scored points for his team yesterday.

Look at you, Uncle Pennybags

“Uh, yeah, my name is...Billy. Uh, Billy......Football.”

Great skills resulting in no goal at the end. This is the socceriest highlight to ever soccer.

Probably could have been cooler if he just shot it and got a goal.

I’ve been a Kanye West stan since high school.

There’s douche like as in posing for Uggs commercials, and then there’s sexual assault.

Brady, who’s never done anything especially douche like, is the douche, will Manning, who forcibly teabagged a female trainer while in school and then got his family to pay her off, is likable. I get it.

Calling these people terrorists is an insult to actual terrorists. You know, they kind that can actually put together and execute an effective plan beyond playing dress-up and spouting nonsense.

Honest question: Where does it benefit liberals to labels these assholes “terrorists”? What’s the endgame to that besides saying, “der, white people and guns!”

If you’re terrified by what they're doing, then I feel sorry for you. What is terrifying is that anyone is calling them terrorists.

Listen, the very notion that they’re genuinely “doing” anything is flattering to them. If they were serious about some sort of insurrection against government, they could—would—have picked virtually any other building in North America to start it. They don’t want a fight. They want to get interviewed on Fox News.

I bet he still believes in God, though.

I’m starting to think that Kobe Bryant might be a bit of an asshole.

I couldn’t hear you, my whore was moaning.

...but you have to live in the Midwest.

Seriously.. Who needs a 400ft walk in closet, less a 5800sqft house? I need a life of excess, one-upping, and braggetry.

I don’t know the answer to the housing crisis, but moving to the midwest is at the bottom of the list.

Bah, you’re just bragging.