[Keeper flails to his right]
[Keeper flails to his left]
[Keeper is flattened by overmatched defender trying to stay with Martinez]
[Keeper is run over by 10-car Amtrak Crescent train headed to New Orleans]
[Keeper is crushed by satellite falling out of orbit]
[Keeper is blown up by buried Civil War ordnance]

Let’s remember some tools:

Concussing the other catcher? That’s a plunking.

Quietly accepting the unwritten rules of baseball is against the unwritten rules of baseball.

this is the dumbest and best +1 I have ever given.

“I think Sabathia is trying to communicate that whatever words caught Garcia’s attention were intended for home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi”

How many kids get to say that happened at their party?

OH YEAH

Rumor is that five people caught him, and they were furious. 

When you said “Grandmaster caught cheating in the bathroom” my first thoughts were of sympathy towards Mrs. Flash. 

Sent from my BlackBerry RazLicious using AT&T 5GXLRT, the NextGen Network™

I am now convinced you help stroke victims and people who have suffered specific traumatic brain injuries regain their powers of language usage and comprehension. Really, excellent work. And bless you for your devotion to such a noble profession.

Translation, if needed:

ya’ll might be interested in this gem as well then haha

Crystal Dunn was the Player of the Match, though.

But can you say for sure that your favorite café doesn’t have a sex dungeon?

With double the Chubs today I bet they turn a lot of DPs

Pretty pumped that we’re changing who the most famous pitcher named Rocker is.

I like where you’re at but may I suggest that we graft a basketball cannon onto his chest instead?

Shanahan should ask Christa McAuliffe how easy it is to shuttle for 73 seconds.