Yeah, I’ve had this happen a couple of times. Saw it was marked as delivered, no package, the next day it was in my mailbox.

That’s about what regular patrolmen made at the agency where I worked as a dispatcher. Depends on where you work.

Oh man do I feel every word of this article, down to pills that made me gain 40 pounds that REFUSE to go away and the non-negotiable need for 10 hours of sleep (which has done bad things to what social life I had, but at least I’m here to try to make plans). I love seeing this kind of thing in print so I know I’m not…

I have blinds over all of my windows and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve opened any of them this year. I really dislike the idea of people being able to see into my space and have never understood the people who don’t care and leave everything open.

That R2-D2 toy was my favorite when I was a little kid because of the clicky noise.

I....what?

which ripped through the packed hotspot in minutes

No, no, it’s not Christmas. It’s that time of year.

Well, it did suck in many ways, I will not deny that. But it’s apparently not an unusual practice around here, as I’ve had friends who worked for other chains in the area and they did the same thing.

The fact that theaters often inventory things like cups and popcorn buckets, and won’t give out free ones?

I’ve never understood people who save used popcorn tubs and bring them back later. I worked at a theater during high school and people would bring in tubs that were literally growing mold and expected us to refill them. Gross.

NO DON’T GET POPCORN AT THE FIRST SHOW OF THE DAY.

IT’S NOT EVEN REALLY A CHRISTMAS SONG.

Listen to how he talks about the women in his life. That’s how he’ll talk about you after the initial rush wears off.

.......there’s an Equestria Girls series now?

I was almost hypnotized by the hell that is that stripey dress, but then the blatant zipper line interrupted it long enough for me to look away.

Wait...if these people are bad enough that they can lose their check marks...doesn’t that mean they’re bad enough that their accounts should be suspended....?

Hey all you Congresscritters who are about to offer “thoughts and prayers”, remember that James 2:17 says that faith without works is dead. So maybe you should pray and then pass some legislation already.

So how long until The Onion updates their “No Way to Prevent This” article? :/

I wish I could give you more stars.