Ed, is that you?

White people who do awful acoustic covers of rap songs will not be treated kindly by history.

Ed Sheeran is what happens when a grown adult man tries to adopt Zooey Deschanel’s “I’m adorkable” routine, and it is horrifying.

Sure! If you don’t like pooping.

It’s like his hair can’t decide if it’s receding or made of clouds.

Wanted. Have you seen this man?

For some unknowable reason, Jay Z and Beyoncé like to collect the affections of painfully lame white people

walleyed tomato

Are we sure Chris was talking to the real Rihanna and not a spoofed video like the Amber Rose scam?

The sick part of abuse is not only the violence but the aspects of it that don’t leave physical scars. There’s a cycle that happens where the physical abuse is followed by a period of extreme dotage and to the point of dependency. The abused person feels like the abuser’s life will completely fall apart without them.…

It’s sad, but I like her with Nick Kroll. Took my awhile to warm up to him because he’s played so many terrible characters that it was hard to separate him, but I think they are a winning couple.

I don’t know very much about her, but there’s something about Liv Tyler that makes me root for her. She just seems so gentle and sweet-natured and daffy and kind. A couple of weeks ago, I had a stupendously self-pitying cold, and cheered myself up by building a misery fort under my duvet and re-watching the old Lord…

I know people like to make fun of celebrity baby names, but I kind of like Sailor. Same with Apple and North. Simple, if a little odd. Celebs lose me at the weird phrase names: Pilot Inspektor, Moxie Crimefighter, Audio Science, Blue Ivy (please don’t hate me Bey-hive).

See, I thought Poehler wasn’t exactly glowing about him in the book, but more like exhausted-rueful-philosophical. She seemed cheerfully frank about the fact that being parents means that they’ll always be partners, even if they’re pissing each other off. It was comfortingly humane. But I listened to her audiobook…

What is it about CB that makes Karrueche and RiRi unable to drop him like a bad habit? I don’t get it. (Or I do and I just don’t want to think about it). Ri, stop thinking with your coochie, girl! You’re better than that!

*groans for all eternity at everyone and everything in this Dirt Bag except for Lupita*

I would definitely watch a Can’t Hardly Wait reunion movie. I’m sure it would be as dumb and disappointing as American Reunion, but I’d still see it.

Chris Brown was recently spotted FaceTiming with Rihanna

Her latest album is rumored to be titled Stockholm Syndrome.