Man, Dabo Swinney’s gonna have his hands full with this mess once Dan Snyder convinces him to leave Clemson and take the Washington job.

People aren’t complete idiots

I see what you’re selling and I am in to it.

“His name is Jock Strap King” and “He’s stronger than you think.”

I checked all the porn this weekend, did not see him.

Well, he’s not Poor Rodriguez.

Not how it works

That’s because you collapsed from heat exhaustion within sight of the finish line!

Orioles fan here.  Can we get a rooting guide for fools?

There are no human beings that are actually 5'11". If a man tells you he’s 5'11", he’s 5'10" and wants to be 6', and if a woman tells you she’s 5'11", she’s 6' and doesn’t want to intimidate the men who lie about being 5'11". 

touching on Apple’s “simple life” in Los Angeles of hanging out with her best friend, her dog, and her best friend’s dog.

Are we sure that’s not just a member of the Gase clan?

Running from jealous lovers is also good exercise.

That or existential ennui.  

You sweet summer child. 

Very fitting for the Giants to give up on a guy the rest of us wrote off 5 years ago

I’m giving you a star not for the quality of the joke, but for how long of a road you walked to get there.