Edit: I like my second one better. Ah well.

I don’t understand what The Matrix has to do with anything.

Burke doesn’t even work here anymore and he’s still giving Deadspin a solid 5 WAR.

Didn’t you read the headline?! We’re supposed to pretend *not* to know.

Could be worse.  Could have been bedbugs.

Finally, relevant native advertising:

If your snake moves like that, go to a vet. 

I’M SORRY JOE

I know what you said are technically names and words, but just a heads up, none of it makes sense. 

What a time to be alive.

“The selected families will give $120,000 to the family over the next year.”

U guys keep printing I worked at numerous radio stations over my 15 years in florida..i was at .@iHeartRadio for 14years

Diaz signed the deal with Temple. They had a presser and everything! And now he gets to demand complete loyalty and no more meetings after talking to him? Do you think if circumstances change for one of his recruits, Diaz is going to be as sympathetic?

To be clear, the “spectacular face plant” doesn’t just refer to today’s result. It encompasses the unfocused training camp and USA Basketball’s total failure to put together a team that could win this tournament. Today’s result was the culmination of a huge, spectacular face-plant by the world’s top basketball power.

Hahaha omg I did not expect that to go where it went 

(1) She got engaged like two weeks after the alleged assault.

No, there really isn’t, because it’s none of your goddamned business. Weddings are usually planned a year or so in advance. I doubt she was considering coming forward a year ago.