Not like that.

Uh-oh ....

At least he was able to fulfill his childhood dream of being a conductor on a train.

Bryce Harper has NEVER topped 100 RBI in a season before?! Considering his stature (earned or not) and the sheer amount of money he’ll certainly sign for this offseason, I find that pretty mindblowing to think about. JD Martinez’ BoSox contract is at least a third, - or even less - of what Harper’s will be end up…

Way to fuck up the Browns draft position, Mayfield.

I hope he gets 4 to 12 questions about it every week.

I love that those two tweets came all of three minutes apart. I’m picturing it as the “Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie’s couch” of press conferences.

The cycle of history repeats itself, and the Reds are now owned by a Christian.
It’s like perestroika all over again!

I just kept scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling,

I want an edge transit that shoots edge transits.

Or exactly three strikeouts.

Somewhere, on a Breitbart podcast, Curt Schilling not-so-quietly wonders to himself: “Why couldn’t I have just retired with my career record at 88-14?”

We were close enough to see the players, and when I saw Tom Brady walk by on the field, I booed him.

The Proposal is great and If you haven’t seen Crazy Rich Asians yet you are crazy.

America, just because we let one or even two people from a family get famous, that DOES NOT mean we need to let the rest of their family slip past the gates and be famous, too!

“Actually, I’m choosing to die upon this knoll, thank you”

He didn’t have any updates on poorly named criminal rappers today.

Well that sucks, more so for McHale since I found that had it’s own distinct flavour whereas Wolf is just another show in the din of political comedy but that’s just me.

Was anyone else not a fan of the Paul Fieg bits? He felt shoehorned in and he wasn't very funny.