“I didn’t have much experience of how to organize domesticity.”

I am a Black queer person so following this story closely. One thing missing from his apologies is a clear understanding of why the comments are so toxic. Don Lemon laid out the high rates of child abuse and homelessness Black LGBTQ youth face due to parents with this exact “my kid could never be gay” attitude. The…

“I am not the type of person who would ever do something like this.”

I had a roommate for a couple months who like totally fucked some chick in our shared bathroom, which happened to be right next to my bedroom, at like 4 am. I texted him and was like “yo, please keep your sexual escapades to your room, or if you’re going to be in the shower, at least not after midnight and before 8…

“My Yelp review was fucking G L O W I N G.”

Or people like me would stop going there and tell people “It used to be fun, but then it got full of noisy bothersome children”.

OBLIGATORY

Methink the lady (or entitled Dad) doth protest too much.

To be fair, Sam drinks a LOT.

Yes, you, a single person who went to this place occasionally put this place on the map, all by yourself, because your level of influence is just that monumental. Also you’re right, they’re rejecting your child specifically - it is a slap in the face to you! Also, you and your child are the most important people in…

*Small violin plays for man who chose not to use a condom*

And now it’s MY favorite restaurant

The realistic solution is what I did when I was still working in the biz:

Yeah gurl, get you a man who can do something for your life, like being in a corporate dynasty who literally defrauds millions of consumers and holds a de-facto monopoly on telecommunications in the US.

Perfect casting there. There is no way Kris Jenner is a regular mom. She's a Cool Mom. 

The author of that story (I read it last week) was on a solipsistic rumination about himself and what he perceived as his role in destroying a business he loved.

“Cardi responded via her Instagram story: “I will never sh–t my pants cause there’s public bathrooms everywhere … ooo and bushes.””

Listen, you nerds, nobody pays 8 grand a semester to live in a closet that still smells like last year’s weed to NOT fuck. 

Scrolled to look for Croissan’wich, saw D+, realized you hate America and are probably a Trump voter, then saw that you explicitly avoided the Platonic ideals of breakfast sandwiches, e.g. the McDonalds saus egg mcmuffin, to select the absurd oversized monstrosities served to placate overweight flyover country…