All over myself multiple times a day for a little over two weeks.

No. Do not do this. It’s ridiculous and rude. Most places that are non-corporate will not allow it. It’s particularly obnoxious when you’re calling ahead to slow the pace of your multi-course meal.

There You Go came out when I was finishing up high school and I remember getting into a screaming match with a girl in the cafeteria, because she was insistent that Pink was black. 

Welp, time to switch banks. 

Excuse me I am offended by your assertation that women cannot be filthy dirtbags. Last week I had Jack N The Box tacos for breakfast that had been sitting out all night. EQUALITY!

Seriously, what kind of diner gives out complimentary bread?

I’ve dated a few actors and I hate to making sweeping generalizations, but they did nothing to disabuse me of the notion that actors are raging narcissists. One dude had a floor to ceiling mirror wall in his bedroom and would straight up watch himself and compliment his own prowess during sex. In the third person. Neve…

I totally interpreted her comment as saying that guys don’t approach her or ask her out because they’re maybe intimidated or something. Which isn’t... great. But your interpretation makes sense, as well.

What’s the deal with Michael Sheen? He seems kinda hot? Is he a trash bag?

She looks like she’s on trial for using fraudulent coupons at Hobby Lobby.

Or it’s an awkward attempt at being sensitive to a woman who has publicly struggled with past pregnancies and turned to surrogacy. 

After denying she also implied that if I was really that sensitive, maybe I should “stay home” so I basically do not speak or interact with her in any way at this point. She’s apparently really good at her job, but goddamn. 

“I Hate Drama”

Not going to lie, 18-year-old me totally fucked my boyfriend on the couch and had the nerve to brag to my housemate about it. I did not understand her outrage at the time. Now I do and wish we had stayed in touch so I could send her a formal apology. But she rightfully dropped my couch humping ass as soon as the lease…

I’d believe her if she hadn’t added the bit about never talking that way about anyone and the stuff about knowing her heart. That’s just something snakey people say when they get caught.

I’m genuinely curious on the civil rights aspect of this. Can they compel all male employees to submit to a DNA test? Legally? 

The major factor being that they were about to be shut down by the health department for failing to address serious violations over several inspections. It wasn’t a secret. And you can easily look up the inspection records of any food service establishment on the Multnomah County Department Of Environmental Services…

If you’re bringing me a hot meal where I could potentially eat it on a toilet I’m going to tip you to completion. 

I think in a group dining situation nobody wants to be “that person” who calls out that service is trash and this meal has gone off the rails.