The most offensive thing about that mattress commercial is that the writer went with “Live long and sleep” for the tagline, when “Sleep long and prosper” is the obvious better choice.

I only clicked on this story because I thought that the header image was a picture of Dianne Keaton. I feel cheated.

Who the hell cooks eggs in a stainless steel pan?

The dude is realistic about the likelihood of ever winning a championship in a league where the Warriors and Lebron James exist (very low), so he says “fuck it” and gets motherfucking paid while living in a big city that has zero expectations of on court success. It’s not the worst plan I’ve ever heard of.

Don’t forget about financial deregulation and the destruction of welfare!

I am sure they will, but I am guessing the online multiplayer aspects makes for a much trickier port than their first two games, which are strictly single-player affairs.

But what about my precious bodily fluids!?

the team’s best player went down with a knee injury.

Ruthmore is my favorite Wes Anderson movie.

I believe that an AED can also correct ventricular tachycardia, but it’s been 10+ years since I had my lifeguard training.

I love to hike and camp without getting eaten alive, so this spray is obviously appealing to me, but not as much as I love my little fluffball. Will my kitty be fine if I treat my clothes out in the garage and let them dry for a day or two before bringing them back in the house, or should I just ignore the permethrin…

Two of the biggest stories looming over professional tennis right now are 1) corruption and match fixing in the lower levels of the sport, and 2) the struggles the sport has had developing and nurturing young talent. I can’t help but wonder if there might be more connection between those two things than anyone in the…

I’ve long thought the Monroe Doctrine was a mistake.

Jew-wing was my favorite player on the Knicks growing up.

White people will do absolutely anything for their dogs except, you know, train them properly. No, little Buster isn’t jumping on my leg the moment he sees me because “that’s just the way he is,” he’s doing it because you completely failed to instill any sense of discipline in him, and thus he has no respect for your…

These sites are popular precisely because of their specific viewpoint and editorial tone. Alienating the core audience that they’ve built over more than a decade of writing in order to cater to some vague notion of “balance” is how you become The Atlantic, and nobody likes The Atlantic.

There’s a restaurant a few blocks from where I live in Chicago that makes kimchi and cotija cheese stuffed empanadas. They’re roughly 10,000 calories a piece and monstrously delicious.

It’s not just sexual frustration (though it contributes in no small part); these people have completely externalized their locus of control. They refuse to think critically about themselves or their lives, blaming and attacking everyone and everything around them that doesn’t give them the immediate gratification they…

Better shooting motion than Markelle Fultz.

In Chicago, broker’s fees are typically equal to one month’s rent, and are paid by the landlord instead of the tenant. The broker will also run a credit / background check for the landlord, and verify that the prospective tenant is gainfully employed and able to pay rent. This system seems wildly better than what…