Right? Someone should have told my dad before he bought me a slut car. Come to think of it though, it might still be there. The perpetrator wasn't very committed to their vandalism, so the light scratches barely show up in the bright yellow paint.

Someone keyed "sluts" on the side of my car in high school. Never mind that I was a V card toting angel. I always wondered who the other slut was supposed to be, as I did not share the car with anyone. I assumed that whomever had some sort of beef with Jeep Wranglers.

Today I was having brunch with a friend and I knocked over my glass of water when i sat down. Having big boobs is a pain in the ass.

Lil' Kim does plastic surgery now?

Not that this is a revolutionary statement or anything, but it truly is mind-boggling to me that this is something we're discussing. So, Obamacare is TERRIBLE for the economy, but women's healthcare is not an economic issue? Can someone please explain to me how that works?

That dress SCREAMS Oprah. I see what you're trying to do, Ann, and it's not working.

"your words say more about you than they do about me."

"A lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse to let their bodies go, and that's the worst thing."

Snooping is a TERRIBLE idea. If you want to find something, you will, even if it's totally innocuous.

I can't imagine giving up your life and brain to move to a crap Milwaukee suburb while your husb whoops it up in DC with God knows how much side tail would feel like.

Why does it bother me so much to see acronyms written as U.C.L.A rather than just UCLA, MBA, USC?

I need to just take a second to think this out. In a perfect Republican world, I can be casually walking down the street, pulled into an alley and raped. Then, because obvi babies are a gift from God (who is totally real BTW), I'm not allowed to abort it, meaning I HAVE to give birth to the thing. Then, after being…

Dear God. There are easier ways to inducing vomiting!

I just wanted the hotness monster to play the role for which he was born. So sad.

I mean we should probably ditch the word "legitimate" before anything thing week, because so far it's not fairing well.

Well good afternoon, run on sentence!

Yes, what? Can one only be vacuous if one is blonde? Then again, I've never cared about the opinion of the catholic church before so I'll probably just keep on living my life.

Natural blonde, super pale, and vampire red eyes in every picture ever taken. We blondes are nothing if not hot.

ROBYN I LOVE YOU

I'm officially convinced that republicans are just a bunch of contrarian douchecanoes. They know theyre full of shit, but they just want to argue against every one else all day long, for the sole purpose of arguing. It's like having a conversation with my younger brother when he was in high school, only I can't just…