Add this to the list of why I will never procreate. I love me some sleep.

This is the face I make when the creeper on the bus surveys all of the empty seats and parks his creepy creeper rear in the seat next to me and creepily oozes into my seat. The way a creep would do.

It's definitely not the caffeine because I ingest more than is necessary of caffeine daily in different forms. I am allergic to dairy and hate soy milk, so it's more likely that I was drinking it black.

Um name one female politician who's appearance has NOT been commented on, Hasslebeck. I'll be over here waiting.

I had to stop drinking coffee because it killed my stomach. I now drink diet coke, because THAT's so healthy. But it doesn't make me run for the nearest bathroom immediately, and I require caffeine in the AM to be a decent person who doesn't bite people for sitting next to me on the bus.

I will never turn my back on Nail.com at Clark and Belmont. Never. Don't go there, you will never be satisfied at another place again.

The most shocking part to this whole article to me- there are republicans are Berkley?

Heart.

Yeah but I mean, he never asked for her address to send her postcards or something? And clearly he wasn't sending money, since THAT would have been illegal. Not that this gives craze-o lady an excuse, but it seems like if he wasn't pulling the "deadbeat dad" he would have caught on a lot faster.

Well what the fuck else were they going to do, abort it? Jesus doesn't like that.

Maybe it's a rough translation of "we had sex in the shower" ? Perhaps they used dish soap as lube? We shall never really know...

Meh, no way. Even if they were miserable, they'd never let this happen.

Oh HELL no, I did NOT leave the South Side for this! (hearted). Honestly. You deserve a star for this.

My thoughts exactly. Hearted.

Where can you get a $25 mani pedi? NYC? Because on a deal day its $40 in Chicago...

As long as it's not as awkward as the Ginny/Harry kiss in the final film. Worst kiss ever.

Right?? I've been feeling a little bloaty the past week or so, so naturally I assume I'm pregnant because I live in fear constantly. I keep telling myself I had my period less than a month ago so I'm fine, but guess who will be hitting up walgreens for some sticks to pee on tonight?

I kind of want to perform a "sting" and pretend to be pregnant so I can go in there and ask them to do all of this, but completely seriously. And then when they refuse walk out and go, "I hope you all know it's your fault this baby is getting aborted. I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for you." Just in the…

Excuse me while I strangle a puppy (not really I love puppies). I want to go into one of these places and offer them a deal. They agree to be financially responsible for my kid for 18 years, then I won't abort it.

I don't really think I'm capable of murder, but if some dude repeatedly hits me, I will do whatever I please in retaliation, and anyone who tries to stop me can go fuck themselves.