I must be heartless today.

Ok so. Maybe I'm a bitch. But the ending of this made me ugh. Everything is so sweet and then he paints this picture like, "yeah so i probably told you we could get married to save us this visa trouble, because i mean, why not, and i'd leave it at that but since your sensitive or whatever, i GUESS i can formally ask…

Something about "blowing dick for skittles" in a british accent is truly priceless.

I see the point actually.

Yes exacty. But manwhore cheating douchebag is not, because he is male and therefore needs condoms all over the place.

I mean really? Give the man the transplant. I wasn't aware there was an ethics and morals questionnaire that needed to be filled out every time someone visits the emergency room.

Corporate policies work across the board...

This is not remotely true. What the hell? My roommate works at Victoria's Secret and frequently explains why to never, under any circumstances, wear underwear that has not been washed first because they absolutely do NOT destroy returned merchandise. As in, this happened yesterday. I call bullshit.

Oh goody. I'm going to start a scrapbook because I am desirous of SO MANY abortions!

It is an epidemic. And yes, it sucks that we view skinny as beautiful and fat as lazy, but it's stupid to attack a campaign on exercise and healthy eating because it may hurt someone's feelings. There are plenty of people who are overweight and very healthy, but this initiative is not for them. It's for the seven…

Actually, could you not? I'm allergic to nutella and I'd hate to have it around my presence. But no really, I am.

But could you actually fling peanut butter at me? That sounds delicious, and fun. (Note, this was not meant to be sexual, I just really love peanut butter and would like to eat some now. Maybe it didn't even come off that way, and I just have a pervy mind.)

I yearn for the days of being a ten year old child who didn't give two shits about what the boys thought. I hope Eliza kicks middle school's ass.

I got MRSA on the CTA (chicago represent?). It was gross, but I got to take a week off of work and I wasn't actually sick, just had a giant festering wound on the side of my head.

My roommate in college worked at Victoria's Secret and regaled horror stories about the panty table. Ever since then, the word panties conjures up images of 7th grade girls getting crazy.

totally LOL'ed at Andrew WK/Ke$ha. Good work. Good work.

I want to say that 10 years in jail is a long time for a 19 year old who made a bad decision, but you know what? Punish the douchebags for being douchebags. That is the only chance we have left in ridding the world of the rampant douchebaggery. If scaring people into behaving like normal, decent human beings is…

That is not cocaine. And if it was ew. There would def be pics of her gagging after bc that would taste NASTY.

amen sister. I'm still trying. And I've given up on swimsuits.

I walked into a Victoria's Secret the other day and the girl working the front and I had this conversation: