“He’s the shitty coach that Kansas City deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll criticize him and make walrus jokes. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent, brain-dead ninny of a head coach.”

Once an injury cart gets the taste for human flesh...

Brian Hoyer: the only choice at QB for the discerning NFL Coach who wants a great start to a season followed by an unspeakable INT-TD ratio to end the year out of playoff contention.

With Harvin, Incognito and IK Enemkpali all on the roster, the Bills have a huge advantage in the coveted “Football Goon” skill position.

It’s like a Benny Hill skit but with football players instead of saucy British nurses.

Fun fact: the mustard is just used as ballast to stabilize the bag. It’s never been meant to eat.

Did he dine them too?

At first I thought this said “Joe Namath” and I was filled with a wild glee that old Joe was so hammered that he thought he’d actually played for the Redskins. Alas.

I can see the case for rock salt. If our masked friend is part of some kinky sex/death group, maybe this is a form of torture they’ve used before?

The announcer was G.I. Joe?

Obviously these missing receipts were printed on bacon and thus doomed.

It looks like Orbit is riding the most phallic TaunTaun ever.

Actually, the job entails copying the contact info of any female from players’ phones over to Jerry Jones’ laptop.