mfw my entire economy was destroyed by a mid-pack Big 12 university

*Looks at sentence*

Jamarcus fooled them all with that combine workout

How about something ridiculously classic like a Model T or something? Would that be too expensive? It surely wouldn’t depreciate.

The same fan threatened to blow up US Bank Stadium if the Vikings signed Robert Turbin.

“Nobody expects the Spanish in position!”

Yes. Not to mention that as a boy, Mirza learned to hoop while bombs rained down during the Bosnian war. You remember: When Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic’s ‘policy’ for Bosnian Muslims—kill ‘em all!—got him convicted of international war crimes.

Dang, I have oficially smoked enough herb for the evening.

Mirza is another Muslim athlete. Someone let the Donald know.

The game is “throwing beer cans and rocks at each other,” right? Has to be.

ummm....yeah....that’s what I meant. *whistles and walks away*

Why did the batter start running towards third after the hit?

Somewhere, a Florida land developer fondly recalls the time he tortured Mark Brunell’s bank accounts to death.

I’m a Pats fan, gotten to see SIX FUCKING SUPER BOWLS, and I’ll still bitch about officiating and all that shit.

I just spent a week in New York after 3 years in the Chicago suburbs. Guess what? New York is kind of a crowded shithole, full of assholes.

Have you ever balled as hard as these newlyweds at Saturday’s Minnesota Wild game?

My 90-year old grandfather still goes to the gym five days a week. In his case, it’s inspiring and sweet because he’s trying to maintain whatever health he can. And he has no delusions about being a body builder or athlete.

In fairness they tried to arrest Bruce but he was nowhere to be found.