But if I keep them locked up, how will I defend my family when the government bursts through the door and windows and roof to arrest us for being conservative Christians?

You made me think of Sweatpants, when Gambino stops the song to remind you that “Fisker’s don’t make noise when they start up, just so you know.”

OH LOOK AN ENTIRE SECTION OF JALOPNIK DEVOTED TO TESLA BASHING!!!!!!

The first time I tried to buy a 1/2 off PS plus key from them, my bank declined the transaction because of the seller.

The first time I tried to buy a 1/2 off PS plus key from them, my bank declined the transaction because of the…

What is this, a car for ants?

I’ll bet this snow is made up of solidified DHMO. That shit kills people and corrodes pretty much anything.

I couldn’t imagine spending nearly $10k on this car, but if you want to take home a trophy from the next Radwood, this is your car.

He might have been born rich, but his family wasn’t wealthy. Not in the sense of the dark green American historic wealth. He was always, and will always be, a caricature of wealth. The best parsing I read is that he’s a poor man’s idea of how wealthy people live.

At $30/month, they can capture the audience who sees one movie a month but tells themselves they’ll see more, for maximum profit. They’ll capture a decent number of people who will see two movies a month and sometimes more, but not usually, but aren’t really sure they want the service because they don’t see that many…

I think “Latine” makes a lot more sense than “Latinx”

are group text messages really as popular as they seem to be? I’m part of one, for work, and I hate it.

BANNING UNSOLICITED DICK PICS JUST MEANS ONLY CRIMINALS WILL SEND UNSOLICITED DICK PICS!

I was supposed to have a package arriving yesterday, but it was getting late so I checked the tracking status. It was in Texas, and I thought “welp, unless Ted Cruz is personally delivering, nothing’s getting out of Texas right now.”

I, for one, am relieved that I can still send my unsolicited duck pics without legal repercussions. I mean, who doesn’t want to … what’s that? Not duck pics? Di- what? Why would anyone send those?

Let them eat snow.

the cigarette would have gone out and not have been salvageable. Well, not for most people at least.

between the grip and the torque, the car doesn’t move forward so much as it rotates the earth beneath it.

diesel fuel does have a significantly higher flashpoint than gasoline (like, over 150 degrees F, whereas gasoline is like -40ish). I’ve smoked around open diesel before, at normal air pressure you can use it to put out a small fire.

they haven’t acclimated to the cold, apparently.

Well, judging by Texas’ response right now ...