Call me old fashioned, but as a lady - that line would TOTALLY WORK!

Its certainly a better scoring line than their tired, old worn-out go to: “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you and me together.”

Was hoping for the Bills. It would be like shining a light under the bed of the weird kid in college.

On the flip side, getting an Anaheim/Tampa final would give Bettman a fatal aneurysm.

Come on now Hawks, force a Game 7 and have the Ducks choke on Saturday.......AGAIN.

Not to go all concern troll on everyone, but it’s completely unsafe, and they should all undergo forced sterilization for the greater good of all humanity.

The only problem with them, is somehow they’re allowed to use public roads, main arterials even, going 5 MPH.

No actually FIFA wins this one...

Not sure how a picture of my old dorm room is relevant to a story about the deplorable conditions that FIFA’s slaves are subjected to.

Anaheim is a small market?

I know I said this the other day but it bears repeating because it’s true

Haven’t you heard? Small market teams exist solely as regular season filler and are expected to tastefully bow out when playoff season rolls around. They should simply be grateful they exist at all, let alone do anything crazy like win.

Gary Bettman, everyone!

A possible Tampa Bay-Anaheim Stanley Cups Finals? I feel sorry for every program that potentially has to go up against this ratings juggernaut. Let's all pray for a Rangers and Blackhawks victory.

If you’re having girl problems, I feel bad for you son / I got 99 problems, and they’re all earned runs

What a fantastic waste of time. He hit a ball 400 feet with a stick, okay? Who cares if he missed the plate by an inch. You can tell the MLB is very dedicated to shortening these games.

I hope his lawyer gets the judge to declare a bad court thingy.

This is some of the best evidence Lionel Hutz has ever brought into record.

Literally Savages. “Literally” savages. Care to show us a picture of a literal savage?

The Marlins are a social experiment to see how blatantly sports teams can overtly fuck over their natural fan base before people start to give a shit.