I find that cascading a mountain's worth of 5 years of student loans and credit card debt is a quicker, easier way to bury your parents.

How about a third option: Play 5 on 5 until someone scores. If teams are too tired to compete, then they should win the game in regulation.

He's just trolling us now, isn't he?

Worst Benghazi acrostic EVER.

career

There is still plenty of room on the Senators bandwagon (which you should not board, because it will undoubtedly career off the road and burst into flames with impeccable comedic timing).

"(which you should not board, because it will undoubtedly career off the road and burst into flames with impeccable comedic timing)."

Which one is Don Lemon? I'm really hoping it's the guy on the right.

I'm 6'7". But my dad tells all his buddies that I'm 6'8" because I'm taller in the morning.
He also tells them that I am successful businessman, but all I really do is run an intricate ponzi scheme out of his garage.

Fun fact: you get shorter as the day goes on, thanks to gravity compressing your spine!

Get outtie here

And they replied: "Do what again?"

"This is not a drill."
-Eli Manning after 12 minutes of trying to screw in a 2x4 with a toothbrush.

#Burghazi

He didn't die of starvation, so he was at least a subsistence-level thief.

I love the couple that moves away, but not too far away. We got a great game here, and the chance to see Fitzy and Murph kill each other. Talk about entertainment!

Tomorrow he's going to be wearing a 'Where's the beef' shirt, and yelling 'Shwing'.

You've been drinking the wrong Alpine, ya galoot!

He's in a better place. (Jezebel)

The McDavid Bowl!