Now that you finished blowing him let us in on the joke.

Careful or Andrew Daisuke will constantly tell you about his BMW.

No, idiot, but the principle is the same. It’s not a direct comparison. I hope you do well in college, but judging by this, you might want to keep ditch digging in mind as a backup plan.

I believe the sexual assault part was to remind us that we should hate the school’s stance of trigger warnings/safe spaces because they have unrelated issues elsewhere.

I think the whole “occupation of the president’s office” detail was the part they had trouble with... and they still let him graduate anyway.

oh, millenials are going to "fix" things. can't wait for that.

Looking forward to your son not being able to find the plate with a curve ball?

$55 Million bucks for a couple weight machines? Doubtful but then again I’m not a gym instructor.

A bunch of Americans in Brazil swung by a gas station at 6am, ripped down a sign, and pissed all over the place these security guards / off-duty corrections officer work to protect. Do you know the shit a Brazilian prison guard sees and does? Paying $70 so they don’t get arrested, pistol-whipped, or worse is, in fact,…

It would look like communism. Free market infields are essential to preserving the American way of life.

“ I knew I shouldn’t have flown Spirit”

I hope to be live-tweeting my own murder and leaving some really aces clues:

Here’s what the second paragraph says, (I lived in Rio for a year, live with a Brazilian and speak pretty fluent Portuguese):

It wasn’t me, I wasn’t even in Brazil.

Poor swimmers just being targeted by the meanies at the Brazil Police Department, right?

Ryan’s still gotta worry about the potential threat of jextradition.

yes, we know how smart you are for using that phrase

not saying he did/didn’t make it up, but the dude is dumb as a sack of potatoes. to presume what would go on in a head that stupid is impossible for an intelligent person to comprehend

You mean when she ran slower than the winner?

Security Gurads Take Action as Fan Acts Out Interrupting Actors on Stage in Act of Acting.