Bat flip? Pssh. More like a light toss. And the ball didn’t even make it out of the infield. I could hit that ball waaayyyy harder.

Jesse Eisenberg is the worst. No, Dax Sheppard is the worst. Jesse Eisenberg is the second worst. That’s all.

Odd that QOTSA is the halftime on this Funbag, as it ties into my weirdest place to pee story. I was in the pit area of a QOTSA concert and really had to pee, but didn’t want to miss anything. Pulled it out through my zipper, slyly peed into an empty beer cup in the middle of a crowd of people, set the cup down, and…

Don’t worry, I fixed it. Deadspin, feel free to use my work and update for a better article:

Apparently all that blood that drained from his shriveled heart ran straight down to his dick.

Not necessarily. This reminds me of something that happened to a guy I knew years back. He was on a similar style bike at night riding wheelies while doing something like 60 MPH (on a residential road), maybe more. The person who pulled out in front of him had come to a complete stop, looked both ways and never saw…

RHCP was dinger-socking when Chris Paul still had his dinger in diapers.

Has KD even stepped foot back in Austin after he left for the NBA?

...but a fantastic movie

It would actually be more fun if Cam Newton played baseball himself. He could be that Bo Jackson type of superfreak crossover athlete.

If people can’t say things on the internet to shit on others and make themselves feel superior, what the fuck else is the internet for?

Exactly. That’s what the following Monday morning is for: reviewing the bracket selections and making your picks while pretending to be working.

I think the mistake is that the “Cloverfield” title gives too much away that I expected the twist at the end (and I say that even knowing that it wasn’t going to be the same monster as the original Cloverfield). It would have been awesome to only see the weird tension in the bunker in the previews then be blown away…

Never forget....

Maybe I’m out of the loop being a Houston fan living in Dallas, but I thought AJ was pretty much universally loved? Awesome player, did a lot for the community, never acted like the typical “diva” WR, knocked the shit out of that punk Cortland Finnegan... AJ’s battle red jersey is the only NFL jersey I ever have and…

I’d say it’s 2016 and you’d have to be really fucking technologically dumb to not realize who you were sending that text to. On the other hand, it’s 2016 and tons of people out there are still really fucking dumb.

If the woman’s name was Rick, that could turn out to be a pretty fucked up video (or a pretty arousing video depending on your personal preference, I’m not gonna judge).

Accomplishment of a team is the worst possible metric in defining individual skill in football. By your logic, teams should be clamoring over signing Peyton Manning to a huge deal this year because he is the most recent Super Bowl winning QB.

This always confuses me when people talk about this movie. “I don’t believe this dude would keep his camera rolling when being attacked by the monster. Even if he did, the battery wouldn’t last. Major plot holes, can’t get into the movie....” How believable is any other sci-fi/monster/fantasy/rom-com/whatever movie?…

The Brett Favre bit was added to the article just so this joke could be made.