You know, I’m very fondle you. Do you have a nipple for five pennies?

I just showed up at the scene of this car wreck, but here goes: Thanks Obama!

“Uterus? They hardly know us!”

Perot and his minions had such hard-on for balancing the budget back then. That was THE hill they were willing to die on. That is, until Clinton and the Democrats actually DID balance the budget. Then their hard-ons took a one-way trip to Softy Town.

Nothing good has ever come out of improv. Nothing.

“It’s like in bird huntin’: Pointers go with pointers, and setters go with setters.”

I’m partial to:

Captain Ahab: “Thar she blows!”

So, according to SNL, once you go black, nobody wants you back?

Right? Where’s Santa Ana when ya need him?

5. They think calling Hillary Clinton a “lying cunt” makes them sound cool and smart.

Yep, that’s a lead-pipe cinch.

I’ve always assumed that when the ball-carrier had to jump over the line, it was a broken play.

Please excuse me, but this is a fucking cable tv show, the sole purpose of which is to entertain a few people who stay up late on Friday nights. There’s absolutely nothing here to get mad or super-insulted about. It’s entertainment. Nothing more. And I can assure you that Ms. Steinem knows this as well as any other…

Almost as if she thinks she’s entitled to speak her mind because she’s an older woman and a citizen of the United States of America.

Who are “we,” exactly?

No, a dot matrix is a group of East Indian women, arranged in rows and columns.

I support Amy Schumer in this. Which is to say, I’m on Team Dickcatcher.

This video is a miracle. I’m assuming it’s unscripted, but a modern-day William Shakespeare couldn’t have written better dialogue. “Schmoney?” Linguists spend their whole careers searching for gems like that. And did she actually say “regular-degular?” Unbelievable. This is the most brilliant and creative piece of…

I think you found the smoking gun.