unfortunately, you can’t get a drink in the museum until you kill your family

I read like one paragraph of this, which included her name and the phrase “Lime Crime” and I’ve already deemed it gibberish.

Back in high school, I shared a bedroom with my younger brother, which was difficult because he was a frequent sleepwalker. The hardwood floors would creak when he would get up and walk out of the room. I would have to follow him and bring him back to bed at least 2-3 times a week.

I’ve been waiting for this because last winter something happened to me that really freaked me out.

I worked as a Teach for America teacher in Baton Rouge, LA, for 2 years after I graduated from college. While there, four of my friends and I lived an awesome and spooky old house. The house was on the site of an old plantation in the Goodwood part of the city, and a 250 year old oak tree with a beautiful balcony…

Any box of Lucky Charms is all mashmallow if you’re willing to do the work.

My only problem with this is that if you’re getting paid, why not just follow the frickin’ list of 10 simple rules???

This is clearly not a secure line.

You know too much.

lol this is so fucking angry

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Ps If you ever dare spend money on me out of love to say build a cat door or buy me an expensive bed or my very own water dish placed high so the dog won’t bother me, I will refuse to use those on principle. I will go out of my way to not use those items you so lovingly purchased. You dont tell me what to do ya…

Amenities include:

Let me axe you something, would you recommend it?

I'm forcing my husband to dress in a family theme to take our mini Pie trick or treating. He agreed on one condition: that he got to choose the theme. Scully and Mulder with a tiny alien. Sigh. He's already ordered the FBI badges.

I’m over here like.

I used to watch that. It was a good show. I’ve always wanted to have the owners of my house see what we did with it, and similarly wanted to see what the owners of my old house did. You make a lot of memories in your home.

That 4th picture is amazing! I’m laughing so hard I’m crying!

In case you can’t see the pic of Penelope getting hit by a car (it’s not showing up on my computer), here it is and it is fantastic. If this were my kid, I’d get this whole succession of pics framed. Bottom Left is priceless. What a cutie pie.