unfortunately, you can’t get a drink in the museum until you kill your family

I read like one paragraph of this, which included her name and the phrase “Lime Crime” and I’ve already deemed it gibberish.

Back in high school, I shared a bedroom with my younger brother, which was difficult because he was a frequent sleepwalker. The hardwood floors would creak when he would get up and walk out of the room. I would have to follow him and bring him back to bed at least 2-3 times a week.

I’ve been waiting for this because last winter something happened to me that really freaked me out.

I worked as a Teach for America teacher in Baton Rouge, LA, for 2 years after I graduated from college. While there, four of my friends and I lived an awesome and spooky old house. The house was on the site of an old plantation in the Goodwood part of the city, and a 250 year old oak tree with a beautiful balcony…

Any box of Lucky Charms is all mashmallow if you’re willing to do the work.

I kid. We do too at our house, but the bill was ridiculously high. So what my brother did, since he lives at his gf’s was basically get boxes for the various households all under his account and the bill overall is cheaper for everyone.

My only problem with this is that if you’re getting paid, why not just follow the frickin’ list of 10 simple rules???

This is clearly not a secure line.

You know too much.

lol this is so fucking angry

Ps If you ever dare spend money on me out of love to say build a cat door or buy me an expensive bed or my very own water dish placed high so the dog won’t bother me, I will refuse to use those on principle. I will go out of my way to not use those items you so lovingly purchased. You dont tell me what to do ya…

Amenities include:

Let me axe you something, would you recommend it?

Carter The Unstoppable Flesh Buffet.

It’s an insane world...

“Excuse me sonny, would you mind guiding me to the feeding frenzy? These dagnam cataracts are acting up again!”

I can’t help think how awesome it would be if Rick gets back to town, and Gabriel is there, holding the horn. “See, Rick, I wanted to help, and I found this really loud horn to lead the parade. But then I couldn’t find you guys. So I figured, maybe if I blow the horn, you guys will come find me! And it worked! Don’t…