Since when do other people’s ideas of fun have to meet your approval? You rock that shit, Miley.

You seem sad. I hope it gets better.

I get what they are trying to show

Thisthisthis!! I am a renter, I don’t even pay a water bill, and I’m SO CAREFUL about my water usage, because it IS a zero-sum game and it might just run out, sooner than we’d like.

After being dead for 18 years, my father in law still has a stalker.

I feel like Word should have a feature so that anytime you select CS as a font, that little paperclip dude pops up and ask ‘Are you fucking SURE?’

Alright, I obviously was not there, but this is one of the best funeral/memorial stories I’ve heard to date:

I went to a funeral for a teenager and the service sheet was written in Comic Sans.

I basically babbled. Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad he has such an open minded and loving family, but I’m not a sex worker and I really only know him from the amazing stories my new coworkers tell me. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sure I would’ve loved him but maybe not that way but maybe that way…

When I was at my grandfather’s brother’s funeral, one of my father’s cousins let slip that my father is adopted right in the middle of a eulogy. It turns out that everyone knew that my grandmother was already pregnant with my father when she and my grandfather met, except for my father. My mother had even figured it…

My father was diabetic. He was blind, on dialysis, and had both legs amputated; one above the knee, one below. He was a large man, so moving him was difficult. Hospice care had begun, so we knew he didn’t have much time left. My siblings and I moved back home to help my mother care for him in between the nurse’s…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

Many years ago one of my very good friends died suddenly. The circumstances were pretty bad but he had this super cool hippie mom. His mom was the mom who’s house we always wanted to hang out at as teenager. So when he died she decided to bring him home and some friends made him a pine box and she decorated it with…

Idaho’s prize is a painful rash and a month of quarantine.

To be clear this is not just a front for the mobile operations unit of a clandestine catcentric secret organization bent on world domination. That would be insane. A military background is preferable, and don’t worry in no way will you be brainwashed or otherwise mind controlled..probably.

“My background is in LOVING CATS. I have no other relevant experience.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED IN A JOB

So did Mark Shrayber wait for this to be posted before he gave his 2 weeks notice?

I’d rather send her with a Snickers bar (which I would never do, of course.)