Why do people who don’t have allergies/dietary restrictions feel the need to play the “what would happen if you ate this” game? i have had two colon resection and there’s a bunch of shit I’m not supposed to eat. I probably won’t die if someone slips a little flour or dairy in my food but too much can be very painful…

Working title: The Blade

I had a coworker (who was otherwise an excellent server) get fired because he told someone a dish was nut-free when it actually had a cashew spread on it. We were busy, and he forgot, but it was extremely careless. He didn’t even bother to mention the allergy to the kitchen. I saw her get carted off in an ambulance on…

Due to a horrid birch pollen allergy I’m allergic to almonds and everything in the rosacea family (stone fruit, strawberries and apples.) Now my allergy is not likely to kill me but it’s serious enough to ruin my evening.

I’m allergic to tomatoes, potatoes and all other nightshades, people NEVER believe me.

When I try to picture what Keaton looks like I see a fedora filled with penis enlargement pills and Bud Light.

Oh god this brought back awful memories for me. An ex who was CONVINCED I loved him but was confused and needed his constant reminder. His emails and voicemails were almost identical to this psycho. It’s creepy AF how similar these crazies act when someone doesn’t want to be with them anymore.

Do you understand that you love me?

Do you understand that you love me? Apologize and fix this, or win in the way that you do not want to win. I’m tired of a world in which such disordered personality can attempt to destroy a man so good and moral and kind and loving.

In 2005, Keaton, then married and 41, started an affair with his teenage daughter’s 19-year old roommate, “JD.” When they broke up in 2008, Keaton started calling JD obsessively and leaving voicemails, which sounded like this:

I went to Catholic schools - no way were you throwing food out!

That makes me happy because I’ve had a shit day and making people giggle makes me really happy! (I’m fine just llamas and drama nbd)

Is the new mom in that photo wearing false eyelashes? Why does that enrage me?

Hydrox, for sure.

I sometimes had *GASP* a tiny bag of Doritos in my lunch. Except once another kid stole them out of my lunch.

I hated hot lunch and a school custodian would always check to see if I’d eaten it. So I had to be sneaky and either run to the garbage or make a little circle so he thought I ate some.

Right? And why do they need bread with potatoes? I really want to know the reasoning behind those rules.

I was a lunchroom volunteer when my kids were in elementary school. My husband and I packed their lunches everyday and I was so careful in choosing a piece of fruit that they liked and was in perfect condition. I was shocked at how many beautiful apples, bananas and oranges were tossed in the lunchroom trash every…

frankly i’m amazed that i can even hold down a job nowadays after have two oreos after lunch during my childhood

But God forbid we have ‘unhealthy’ peanut butter to go along with our starchy potatoes and bread!