Part of me wants to say "At least we don't do it in the street, for all to see," and then I think "But wouldn't public executions hasten the end of the death penalty, once we all see how horrible they are personally?" And then the answer comes back, "Oh right, all the snuff videos on the internet," and then I'm all…

OH, FOR...

Right? Christian evangelicals have more in common with radical Muslims than they'd like to admit.

Whelp, I was going to hang out in my sexy sexy sex pants (stained in not one, but two places with Nutella) and watch season two of The Fall while my daughter is at a sleepover, but I guess I'd better change. Perhaps I can find some non-lustful dungarees somewhere. I mean, it's just me and the dogs here, but you never…

You know how sharks need to keep swimming or they'll die (allegedly, probably an urban legend)? He was like the humping shark, if he stopped humping he would die.

At least he didn't ask for a blow job while on the shitter smoking a cigarette because he was constipated.

"He also responded to one of my Craigslist ads..."

Was it either of the two Republicans?

I already posted about this once, but... I dated and fucked a guy who would stand up on the bed to switch positions. And that wasn't the weirdest part - he'd keep thrusting. He had a slight belly and serious sexing face, so he looked not unlike an angry bee with his dick as the stinger.

An Irishman wearing a kilt? This wins for me, just because of how infuriating wrong that is.

His name was Javier and I met him when I worked at the bookstore in college. He was super hot, but that's because all he cared about in the world was his body. Good for him! Good for him. But between working out and moisturizing and hair care and trimming and and and, there was...not much left. But super hot and…

I'm sorry, did you mean to submit to a "Hero Stories" contest?

Yes, i read it that way, too, at first and thought, "that's kind of awesome!"

Was it the iron-worker who was a secret libertarian

I read that as "iron worker who was a secret librarian," and I was like, "dreamboat!"

This ballerina dude who was in charge of "gospel dance" at his new age-y church. When we were done, he rolled off, and put a handmade hemp bracelet on me with five different colored beads.

I have slept with so many embarrassing people. I made a lot of poor decisions in my late teens/early 20s. I lost my virginity to a 16 year old drug dealer when I was 18. And then I slept with him again a couple weeks later because I thought it might make me feel like it was a thing and not just a truly horrible idea.…

1) An Irish guy who purposely mooned me and my friend at a pizza place in NYC. He was wearing a kilt. We banged on a couch in my friend's dorm room. I think the kilt stayed on.

Gif game ON FLEEK. LMFAO.

I'd be far too distracted by those buck teeth.