Oh God, regarding the coastal assholes: go hang out in a place like Calabasas and you'll meet a million "OMG MAH TAXES" types. Ew.

Nah, come visit the great pacific northwest. We'll set you up right.

SF isn't even SF anymore. It's gentrified as fuck.

The big coastal cities have a lot of filthy rich assholes who tend to vote conservative and fear riff raff. And the inland portion is basically farm country.

Amongst the women I know who smoke, we all agree that it makes us actually lose weight.

You're not going to get arrested smoking a bowl in your living room, I can assure you of that. Just don't smoke in the car.

Thanks for not linking anything Skinnygirl to this page - a sign that we are finally in an era where women are something besides clotheshorses! Love this.

Would it be redundant to call it SkinnyMeth?

Statistically marijuana users are actually less likely to be obese than others. Anecdotally, I've never enjoyed eating a bowl of fruit and drinking water more than when i'm stoned. For some reason when I'm high I want to eat my way through a produce section. If I've been drinking? It's going to be pizza. If you are…

Also remember never to smile. You don't want to get wrinkles and let people know that you were ever happy in life.

Hey Bethany, just toss a little meth in there. Problem solved.

Who knew that all the sneering and eye rolls that I do on a daily basis had serious health benefits? My commute home tonight is going to feel so productive.

I do face workouts all the time. I call them "eating" and "scowling when I get angry at things on the internet." And they totally work, because I still have a face and it is not broken at all.

Added bonus of no self delusion in the latter scenario either.

With a little work, you too could be this beautiful!

Why pay money to get a face workout when I can get paid to blow some guy?

A gym for my face? But my cheeks look awful in Lycra!