If only the comma was a semicolon, I'd agree.

You better start having excuses memorized like the 6-carat princess cut engagement ring your rich as fuck future boyfriend better get you in a few years you have memorized.

Always have the upper hand, you don't need to know his name to hop on his tic tac.

I'd start with the kidney area.

Also a first time Jez commenter, but how could I not: yes, this is a rainbow-farting unicorn tattoo. No, it is not mine... but it is fantastic. (Also, credit where credit is due- this lady tattooer is awesome)

This has always been my favorite version of a unicorn farting a rainbow, mainly because the unicorn looks SO DISTRESSED. I can't help laughing. It's like it's thinking "THIS IS NOT GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN!"

I am going to scold you for making crass jokes on a sensitive topic only to cover up my jealously that I didn't think of it first.

I'm just tired of people freaking out about terrorism any time something having to do with airplanes happens. As if there aren't already a shitzillion gaps in airline security and it's all an illusion.

It was later reported that the airline charged the teen with excessive emotional baggage fees.

His misadventure immediately raised security questions

Walter is so fucking cute, it's ridiculous.

Did nobody post Robin Sparkles yet?

I'd like to throw it out there: this is because of social media.

primates kill whales...

You do realize lots of things kill and eat each other in the ocean, right? Whales kill other whales. Seals attack seals. Sharks eat sharks.

"increased separation of humans and killer whales."

Okayy, on second read that maaaybe sounds a little creepy. But I'm standing by it as accurate - you'll have to forgive me, I'm a lifelong adjective hoarder.

"Supple," though? Really? LOL. Word of the day!

Yuuup. I mean, it's one thing to say "I did that first" but two people performing identical shtick do not necessarily deserve identical responses. Miley, for example, looks comfortable, supple, sensuous and fun in her video. Debbie looks awkward, stiff and uncomfortable. This... is going to effect your…

and says she felt slighted by artists like Gwen Stefani and Cyrus who have a larger reach but poach inspiration from lesser-known artists like herself.