I can forgive boasting about sexual assault, I can forgive selling out America to its long-time enemy, I can forgive alienating your closest neighbor, I can forgive lying to get elected and setting up your cronies, but I cannot forgive well done steaks.

Jesus fuck. A father is indoctrinating his 4 year-old son? That’s the best this moron has to offer?

“How many times do I have to fight goddamn Nazi’s.”

I’m so torn here. On the one hand, I don’t like that tax payers are paying Pitbull millions of dollars to make a tourism video. On the other hand, fuck Florida.

I would much rather grind the heels of my boots into these Couches than, say, a white couch owned by Eddie Murphy.

Counterpoint: “Fuck your Couch” becomes that much better when you’re dealing with this family.

Just waiting for a skin that shows off Mei for who she truly is...

I went to the good BBQ place for pulled pork and hush puppies.

There’s no chance that wasn’t on purpose. Pro-level shade.

...short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese...

Be careful mentioning skirt steaks to him, though, he might grab it by the rib eye.

since he cant sell burgers at his restaurant and can’t sell his steaks at sharper image, he has to take his beef to twitter.

...Wasn’t Trump just saying that the Time Person of the Year wasn’t a real honor because it was called “person” instead of “man”? Or do I just have a severe case of political whiplash?

The most memorable thing about my abortion is that I had Applebee’s afterwards.

The people who want to force all women to give birth don’t give a fuck about our psychological state or that we are benefited by being able to choose if and when we have children. If they cared about that, they would simply take the amazing, earth-shattering, who-woulda-thunk-to-do-it-this-way step of ASKING WOMEN…

Won’t someone please think of the MEN!

Yeah, but even the idea of abortion is likely to cause psychological problems for deranged men who then choose to shoot up abortion clinics in a desperate bid to save poor fetuses.

sigh. this is so depressing.

I don’t find it hard to believe that Depp’s short on liquid funds at all. He’s pretty much Nicholas Cage with a slightly more impressive filmography, right down to what I imagine is a willingness to recklessly spend on useless dumb shit.