I'm at the point in my life where my big goals are get drunk and fall asleep.

I'm taller than her, and it definitely rubbed me the wrong way to suggest that my even greater deviation from the average wasn't normal...

I am so tired of this. ALL BODIES ARE NORMAL. Yes, the 5-foot-3, 166-pound American woman is your average. Miss Indiana is by no means "average." But she's not an abnormal body with green tentacles and a third eyeball hidden in her hair either. THAT would be abnormal. It seems vaguely insulting to the other…

All companies have fucked up sizing shit for women. I'm 5'10" and I wear a size 10 pants and a size S/M or size 4/6 top. Fitted dresses? Fuck off. 1. I have a long torso so the part of the dress where the "hips" hit is actually my lower torso and the tight part is my butt, so shit never fits. If something DOES fit,…

Granted. Doodie is far wangier than foodie. Doodie is the Bro of the Foodie world. I hope they start calling each other "doodies". Please let this happen.

I just don't understand how people find this funny. Even before I had a child this shit wouldn't have been funny and now that I do it is terrifying. The first thought those panicked parents had was that someone was in their house hurting their child. That is so not fucking funny. I would be so traumatized because as a…

a stranger saw a two-year-old girl's name written on her bedroom wall via the Internet-connected cam and started making abusive comments like "''Wake up you little sl#t.'

Allow me to translate the press release: "We know most people only eat our food when they're drunk, so rather than waiting for them to come to the drive-thru after getting kicked out of the bar, we decided to get in on the drunkening ourselves."

Oh, pancakes. Really? A box of cake mix? Cooked in a pan? What were you thinking, pancakes? You just embarrassed yourself. Again.

SORRY THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY, SNACK

ALL HAIL WAFFLOPOLIS.

Sissy Spacek, is that you??

I was absolutely told this shit in 6th grade. My parents had to pull me out of school because I was suicidal...so glad to hear nothing has changed.

On a happier note I became a teacher so I can be the EXACT OPPOSITE of this for my own kids. I also wrote a letter to the bitch ass teacher who gave me that terrible…

Brought to you by Stockholm Syndrome, Ltd., publishers of the wildly popular "Just Lay Back and Enjoy It."

Much obliged.

Just rename the team, do a mea culpa press conference, and announce EXCITING NEW (and non-offensive) MERCHANDISE.

And you can sell through the old offensive merchandise because you won't be selling it any more.

What the hell does that even mean? "lollipop heads"?

That "as predicted" in the BJ scene is throwing me for a loop. Predicted by whom? Was there some kind of exploratory committee? Was a report issued?

Why hasn't Kirstie launched her own brand of Yo-Yos yet?