Obama shade is the best shade. Better than Mariah shade! (ducks Rich’s sucker-punch)

At some point, you guys are going to have to admit that Florida isn’t the most Florida place in the country.

Also, do we need to start looking out for the facial hair / haircut combo sported by 3/4 of the guys on the top row? It clearly is either a marker for this kind of behavior, or the cause of it.

I can find you a pregnant sexworker for your fantasy! Email dixievistaATgmailDOTcom we’ve always got a pregnant friend working the fetish scene ;)

Unfortunately, she was one of the expendables.

And isn’t it funny that he has total recall about how great Miley is? It’s like he wants to date her himself.

At this point I think Adam Sandler might just be a jizz crusted sock from some MRA dude bro’s masturbatory habits that became sentient because life starts at ejaculation.

It is sad that Miley and Patrick’s relationship was terminated. I don’t value Arnolds opinion very much because there are rumors that he is a bit of a predator. But at least it seems like he's a decent dad, not policing his kids all the time.

Here’s Chrissy Teigen eating spaghetti in her bed on a yacht.

I still say jack/jerk off or get myself off. I really don't need a girl version for this term. I am literally never ever going to use “Klittra”. Shit sounds like some sorceress from Conan the Barbarian or Caligula.

He called Wesley “Ensign Weenie” so he never would have subjected me to that.

My Dad woke me up on my 9th birthday and said “Put your uniform on, we have an away mission.”

My dad liked anything that was weird and difficult-sounding. His favorite ice cream flavor was pistachio. His favorite music was klezmer music. He owned a theremin. We once spent four hours making tree-related puns because we got stuck behind a landscaper’s truck on our way home from lunch. He convinced his…

About three sessions in, my therapist was like, “I’m pregnant. We’ve got 30 weeks.” And by god, I was out before the baby was.

“The World’s End” Rachel Dolezal edition

If this woman is black than I get to be Rihanna.

All 700 of the Duggars (or however many there are) and the rest of their kooky cult prayed and prayed to God for a worthy distraction from all the news about Josh’s molestation charges/not charges and child abuse. And God saw Michelle’s empty, vapid stare and smiled.

I need to find a burger joint that serves 40s.