Not so fast, friend-o! How many times today?

Bonne Bell A&W Root Beer flavor. Come at me, root beer haters.

My first kisses tasted of Dr Pepper lip smacker. Thanks, Bonnie Bell.

RIP, producers of my Bonne Bell Vanilla lipgloss. I coated my lips with you pre-makeout sessions, you probably made me taste like petroleum jelly and look like a glazed donut.

I have to call my nephew. There's a reason his nickname is "Elephant Boy" and the plumber is on speed dial.

Or the Fox guy who thinks he's actually thinking.

Everybody poops but not everybody's poop can be a source of income. I don't think it'd be one of the 4%.

I'm with you. We're having our first in a couple months and these morons scare the bejeesus out of me. Stephen King should rewrite "The Stand" so that the cause of the superflu isn't the military, but anti-vaxxers.

I'm hoping he can tell me where I can purchase free-range mammoth meat so I can eat like my ancestors.

Anti-vaxxers enrage me. These assholes should be forced to talk to their grandparents and other seniors who were alive when there weren't vaccines before making stupid choices that endanger their children and other people. And Jenny McCarthy owes me $100 for the stupid whooping cough test my kid needed because an…

The claims of this lunatic fringe have been debunked so utterly, repeatedly, and absolutely, by literally every single credible authority that has ever, ever, ever examined them, that to acknowledge their existence, even for the purpose of repudiating them, is to lend them a credibility they will never come close to…

As someone who lives near the epicenter of the current measles outbreak (Disneyland), the anti-vaxxers (and there are a lot of them here) drive me insane. What kind of selfish, self-centered douchebag is willing to risk the well-being of their child and the well-being of everyone else because you're not smart enough…

That's the thing that I still can't figure out. I understand the Jenny McArthys of the world and random people online who spout crazy.

These are not OOAK. They are also not vintage.

To steal a quote from Jezebel I saw last night, if I can't send my kid anywhere with a PB&J sandwich for public health reasons, I shouldn't be allowed to send them anywhere without an MMRV.

Hey, he's a good guy. My kids are in art class with his. They love it.

Yup. My boyfriend actually just used this exact scenario (of selectively sending weight loss tips to heavy people) to explain to a coworker why it was inappropriate for her to send an email about Auschwitz to all the Jews in the office.

Boys don't rape women. Rapists rape women.