Well, I’d say you need to stop basing your self worth on your ability to attract men.

I made the mistake of staying out for one more drink

My homegirl dated a dude who got a tramp stamp of a bull breathing down the crack of his ass. So...perspective. LMAO

I was at a friend’s house for a bbq and saw a beard speaking nonsense, and I wanted to angry-fuck him immediately. We went to his house and he had children-stuff all over. WHILE we were having sex, he continually talked about his ex baby mama.

I drink. a lot.

I definitely have had gentleman callers who I did actually take home who I still have residual soul-burning shame about. For example, a super duper hot hipster chef (huge amount of tattoos and piercings included) who was 30, still lived with roommates, slept on the world’s grossest mattress on the floor, who was a…

Thank you. I might write a screenplay about it.

I can’t help but laugh at “FULL DISCLAIMER: She’s a jew.” Racists are so funny. People just don’t offer as many FULL DISCLAIMERS as they should.

He read Maus and thought Jews were literally mice who could talk.

You are part of an ancient thing that doesn’t know what it is, and can’t.

Once, on a winter break vacation, my family and I were in a Chinese restaurant (in Hawaii), and like, midway through our meal, realized it was December 25th. We Jew so hard we don’t even have to try.

It’s always amazing to me how anti-semites will simultaneously suggest that the Jews are sub-human rat people but also the shadowy masterminds behind a global super-conspiracy dominating all finance and media.

Do you acknowledge that a definite pattern of specific behavior exists among a definitely specific ethnic group called Jews?

“I am a nice person”

My favorite had to have been the episode in which Blanche thought she was pregnant: cue weeping, running to room, taken aback roommates, and so on. Anyway, turns out she was, in fact, hitting the ‘pause instead, but before she figured that out, Sophia consulted Blanche’s datebook and said (roughly), “If it’s a boy we…

The best for me was when their flights were all cancelled at Christmas and Blanch told a story of a first date that wound up with like 6 guys she’d slept with and Dorothy says,”I could get herpes listening to this story!” I couldn’t find the clip.

“Hey, calm down lady! You just get out of women’s prison?”

Sex with Lucas was so good WE NAMED IT!

How is she only 29, though? I feel like she has done at least 60 years time on this earth by now.

God, this is just terrible.