Haha thanks. It's a joke with my old running crew. It stuck.

I died reading this. My office roommate is on an important conference call and I'm all cackling with tears running down my face in the background. Hashtag professionalism.

It's one of the great mysteries of life. Team Cat Breath, mount up!

Girl, I would marry my IUD. I'm on Mirena number two and it's the best decision ever. Enjoy!

Hahahaha goiter.

It *is* Shamrock Shake time...

When my cats yawn, I'm completely guilty of shoving my face near their mouths to smell their disgusting cat breath. I love it.

Yeezus ain't no chump. He hollered "[he] want pre-nup!"

...or Sarah Palin.

I get you. I know I'm awesome cat mom. He has an anxiety disorder and food and skin allergies and tooth resorption and other weird issues. He was a rescue and I take great care of him. He doesn't get people food, he eats very high quality dry food (he won't touch wet for any reason ever), etc. He's just fat.

Generally true. I have two cats, one who is a normal cat sized and super healthy and active. The other is a fat, lazy baby who refuses to lose weight no matter what I do. I try to cut back his food, I try to force him to play (he usually just looks at me like "whatever lady. I'm sleeping."), nothing. He's just a…

Greys 4lyfe.

I have 48 more pounds to lose to get to my goal weight. Let me say that upfront. I know I've lost about 8 or 9 in the last two months, but I can't really see it... My "skinny" jeans (meaning the cut, not my skinny-Miss Jackson jeans) are a bit baggy, but I can't see the change on my body. It sucks, because I'M WORKING…

My current favorite is Woodwork Cab. It's oaky and vanilla-y and amazing at like $12 a bottle.

Also feeling like a fraud is not limited to grad students. I feel that way most of the time. IT NEVER GOES AWAY. Hooray!

I love you. I want to wingman each other so hard.

It's funny because my bff and I have been talking a lot about this lately. We're both single, strong, independent, capable women. Each of us tends to apply our bodies like poultices to broken men. I've been very sexually active since my divorce a few years ago, racking up scores of partners. It was fun and…

YOU GUYS. My life has been a shitshow but today is awesome.

My parents and their friends referred to infant Miss Jackson as "Winston" as I evidently bore a rather striking resemblance to Churchill.

My boy likes these little fuzzy mice with rattles inside them. After he smacks them around for a little while, he decides they're dead or he's finished or whatever, then he drops them in front of the hall closet and shoves them under the door.