Dip 'em in paint and make a fuckin' rainbow noodle poster out of 'em.

Goddammit Barilla how am I supposed to eat now?

This is a totally erroneous analogy.

The Addams Family Values movie! That's Debbie. She's my spiritual advisor. I wear a What Would Debbie Do bracelet. (... mentally speaking)

Amen to that. I still think I'd take the person with a doctorate in a relevant field over a film critic with no such degree, though.

F. Scott Fitzgerald? A "heterosexual guy's guy"? Oh, dear god. Please go away. I bet this ass thinks Oscar Wilde just made dick jokes to too many prudes.

Being a good film critic does not a decent teacher make...

I am now googling "Obama AMA," because why wouldn't you, thank you very much.

Oh, no. Sociopaths can fool people. This ass lets his racist homophobic misogynistic bullshit out in the free and clear blue yonder.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Same here. I don't HATE rap or country (I reserve that for dubstep, I can't stand it), but I'm not really a huge fan of either - I have some songs in the library that are rap or country, sure, but not a ton. Does that make me racist?

I do not like most rap. I also do not like most country. I also cannot abide dubstep. I'm not sure if that makes me a racist or a misanthrope.

When "implied consent" comes from a place of discomfort and fear - the woman clearly states that she has sex with him just because it'll keep him from blowing up as badly - it is not consent, under any circumstances, and any good, loving partner would know and understand that.

First three sentences: THAAAAAANK. YOUUUUUUU.

Implied consent does not and will never cover a partner "ripping [their partner's] clothes off" if their partner does not want it, as stated in the book by this Joe character.

While I see where you're coming from, this does not sound like a D/s relationship in any way. This sounds like straight-up abuse. She doesn't use game terminology, she mentions his getting violent by throwing a chair in a restaurant and breaking her baby's high chair, she even describe the process abusers go through…

In the book she often repeats the secret to a happy marriage is "about respect."

Not sure if you're making a joke or not...

Put it on when you want, take it off when you want. Don't take it off at all if you don't want to. That's OK too.

I am now imagining your friend and her son in a semi-futuristic ass-kickin' vampire-huntin' dystopia TV series.