My brother-in-law was on Jeopardy way back in the '80s. He got second place. He accepted the couch, turned down the vertical blinds, accepted the case of Success Rice because he and my sister were seriously broke, and accepted the press-on fingernails because my sister wouldn't be caught dead wearing them and he…

You could demolish it with him in it. That would be satisfying.

"Hire a sex worker."

I think it would be more effective to build a very tall wall around the entire property, then fill the space with bleach and let it sit for a couple of weeks.

My favorite scary/sad episode of Sesame Street is the one they did after 9/11. There's a fire in the store while Elmo and Maria are having lunch. When they're outside and Maria is calling 911, Elmo is so scared he's shaking from head to toe. Makes me cry like a baby.

I can't decide if that's more crazy or stupid.

Are there any left?

I never really like Bowie, but I recognize and respect his enormous talent. His death is a huge loss.

That's awful about your friend. You have my sympathy.

I hope the Sun-Times didn't pay for that.

He does sort of, but that's not the guy I'm thinking of.

The phrase I used was "expensive hair." It was pretty ridiculous. Also the pounds of eye makeup.

I think the UK should stand their ground and refuse to give in to bullying.

Customer service in a call center, too.

Like smokers who throw their butts on the ground a few feet from an ashtray.

Ok, people, help me out. Who's that other guy who shows up in a lot of guest spots who resembles John Doman?

I lost my mother 19 years ago and I still cry if I talk about her for more than two minutes.

I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you said that. I was wondering, what with names like "Ammon" and "Cliven."

Wow, seizures. That's scary.