Seriously? You are like the small, white (I'm guessing), real-life version of Precious.

Can't Find The RAGE DUAN:

Obviously if Vick ever makes a crucial play they'll follow it up with one of those insufferable Sarah McLachlin ASPCA commercials.

Meanwhile the last two points of Eddie Griffin's license came on a silly Jose Cuervo no-look railroad slamma-jamma.

NHL Official: In 59th place, with 1,830 votes is...Robert Paulson?

Wunderbar.

"So the white man decided to compromise and the black man lost? Some things never change."

I was hoping to get something along the "So bad it's good" route by trying to compare losing a million dollars to never walking again. A bit of arson, murder and jaywalking. The accidental check part was really just a means to an end to connect the two stories

Funny you should say that - seeing as how I'm like 15 years younger than everyone else on here and sheltered to boot, I have to Google pretty much every joke with more than three +1s to get it. I guess I forgot that I'm not everyone.

Funny thing about that story - I originally thought "wow nobody's gonna be able to take a crack at this" until I saw accidental check and for some reason thought of a mid-90s Disney Channel Original Movie and thought "yeah, I think that could actually work".

Where Did I Go DUAN:

You think he had it bad? I lost a million dollars!

+1, Damn you.

Sherlock DUAN:

+1, you sad sad bastard.

Late DUAN:

Songs You Hate But Can't Stop Listening To DUAN:

Black DUANs, White Chicks:

As the resident dubhead, let me just say that judging dubstep based on Skrillex is like judging rock based on Nickelback or metal based on Korn.

I Am Posting This Every Day Until Friday DUAN: