Needs more middle-aged professors committing adultery.

Well, they already own the Avery Jessup character via 30 Rock, might as well snag her real-world equivalent.

Schuster: "Well, you're an obnoxious asshole with nothing of value to share with the world, but we're going to give a quarter million dollars."

I'm sick of hearing about things being normalized, and the spring semester of linear algebra hasn't even begun yet!

Wait, why does Chris Christie still live with his mom?

Hell, I'd take the current host of Celebrity Apprentice over the future president / former host.

"See, normally, radiation from the sun warms the earth, but an equal amount is radiated away, maintaining thermal equilibrium. A large build-up of CO2 traps that there, like Stone Cold Steve Austin IN A STEEL CAGE.

"I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence."

Look, there's been a lot of divisive rhetoric, and we all need to come together as one country and support our leader, whomever he may be, regardless of if you're a True Patriot from Real America or you're a flag-burning commie from Dumbfuckistan.

Trump was so adamant about Obama and Hillary needing to refer to acts as "radical Islamic terrorism". Surely, he'll be just as insistent that we call these acts radical Christian terrorism when appropriate.

If Diamond Joe Biden did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Drinking rum out of a coconut on the beach, sending back expense accounts and tweets that he's really close to something if he just gets one more week here…

Is Seinfeld2000 creator Jason Richards the forbidden offspring of Jason Alexander and Michael Richards, two Seinfeld stars possessing four first names between them? I'm going to assume yes.

They wanted him to be Arian like his Foster parents?

It's a common confusion. Harrison Ford is the King of Giving Absolutely No Fucks, and for years Carrie longed to be his queen. Her critical mistake was , of course, giving him a fuck.

No, I have it on good authority that he is, in fact, on their side.

Stranger things have happened.

[Username-comment synergy measuring gauge makes increasingly high pitched whine, then starts emitting sparks and foul-smelling smoke]

I'm just here to hear some indie band I've never heard of cover J. Geils Band's "Centerfold".

He went back to college and became a hydrological engineer, he considers it his true calling.