Hala Kahiki is pure tiki kitsch in all its glory. 

Only when pickled. Otherwise ... no. I pick them out of my salad and still don’t like the taste they leave behind.

“The presentation is usually accompanied by tomato, cucumber, green pepper, onion, bread, and hard-boiled egg, all finely diced. Everyone can serve themselves according to taste.”

No, I’m with you on this. Just saying if someone said “want some of this cream sauce spaghetti”, I’d probably say yes. But if they were to call it carbonara, I’d break out my most annoying “well, actually...”

This is the right take. Stick to your guns about authenticity, but don’t necessarily dismiss what could be tasty as well as long as it is recognized as its own thing.

Because pie > cake, always.

My toaster over has a toast setting, it only take 2-3 mins total

I toast bread, waffles, etc. all the time in a toaster oven and it usually takes less than 5 minutes, and that’s usually because I put 4+ slices or whatever in there at once.

It’s the year 2022: Everything is black or white, bad or good, wet or dry. Middle ground does not exist, there is no grey area, and you can ONLY eat your burger before your fries or your fries before your burger. So if you’re thinking about trying to take a bit of a burger, putting a fry in your mouth and chewing them…

On behalf of my people, you are welcome.

I think it’s the texture as much as the flavor. Flavor wise, they are actually pretty bland.

*rubs hands together in fiendish manner*

Um.... I don’t know how that was ever invented, but sour cream seems to work a lot of places you think it wouldn’t.  I guess if I can’t trust a random stranger on the internet who identifies as a madwoman, who can I trust?

Sort of the same - I mix the powder packet with a couple tablespoons of the cooking water in the bowl beforehand, then drain the noodles and put them in the bowl. Toss them around a bit to get a coating and eat.

there are no records of the countless missing persons snatched by the Beans.

Agreed. Probably healthier than a lot of other non fast food restaurants including the middle ground chains like Cheesecake Factory & Applebee’s.

Wow, grunge and Fight Club? That deserves a gold star and a solid pat on the head. Great work champ!

That should be their motto! “McDonald’s: Some Other Places are Worse!”

Not fictional, but when I read Game of Thrones, I had the inexplicable desire to eat all of my food out of trenchers.