That was quite the effort he put in to get reinstated. A lesser man would’ve De Sousaphoned it in.

Holy fucking Toledo. I need to lie down now. +1

Fake news or fake bruise?

Pablo Sandoval has a stat line that reminds us of Minnesota’s Mudcat and a physique that reminds us of Mississippi’s Mudpie.

Jeffvanhungry is a legend here and none of us think Barstool’s “yeh bruh, fuck her in the pussy, 1488, Trump 2020” comment section is better. Please see yourself out. Bye!

Which would’ve meant that the Warriors would’ve had...a 3-1 lead.

I think you have the wrong article here champ.

The Hurricanes have a mascot pig?

Well certainly, but the joke is that he definitely won’t live another 382 years.

“...he could serve up to 382 years in prison.”

She has quite the “murder trial era” Phil Spector thing going on.

It is weird to refer to yourself in the first person as “theI.”

*Lawnguyland is the proper pronunciation.

As a gangly German basketball player, who has idolized Dirk over the years, I have just one thing to say:

I figured out he was a dick when he hurled half of his living room furniture off of a 14th floor balcony and almost killed a toddler and his grandfather, but hey, rude tweets are a great indicator too!

Oooh wah wah, poor millionaire Noah Syndergaard has to spend a day in lousy Syracuse. Whatever, at least he still gets to play in the big leagues with... 

Pfft, that hoop wasn’t even regulation height.

I would have Jiggly Caliente and Ginger Minj in there, mostly because I want to hear doofus Jim Nantz say those names for forty minutes.

I would give the entire (meager) contents of my checking and savings account to watch this team get its ass whooped both on and off the court by five fabulous queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

I would’ve been beaten and bloodied if I wore these shoes to school back in the day.