You’re Chopped champion everyone!!!

Elevator: follow the Brits on this one. You do not talk in an elevator period. You look forward and up. If you’re having a conversation with a friend getting on an elevator, you stop mid-convo, look forward and up, and resume when you disembark.

Why would he say no? Is he rich? Splitting the big room is the way to go. You should punch him in the stomach.

“Unfortunately, this is not the way the world works. I live in New York City—if someone I barely know attempts to gift me some food they say they’ve made, I am naturally assuming it’s poisoned or they found it dumped outside on a street corner. Also, anyone accepting such a gift is just weird. Furthermore, you can…

You’re right, PETA is “supposed to do this kind of stuff” ... it’s the other stuff that they do, which makes up the vast bulk of their time and money spent, that I have problems with. Euthanizing shitloads of animals they’re supposedly “saving” for example.

Calm the f*ck down. Almost 100% of men are not OK with this.

Blood Jort

I'd say watch out with that kind of talk. But he... Won't be reading this.

For lawyers, the answer to every question is the same: “It depends.”

I have a hard time feeling too sorry for her. She reminds me of those girls who gets drunk, hits guys cuz she has this “like, I’m a girl and guys aren’t allowed to hit me back” attitude that goes unchecked until she gets knocked on her ass.

Except he wasn't a complete assbag as a youth, near as I can tell.

Pro tip: If you blend in and act like you belong somewhere, most people wont think twice. This is true “almost” everywhere.

Growing up in South Carolina I’ve done just about all of these.

Weird, I wonder where the dog/roman candle story came from...

I used to think needles were safe, but I’ve gotta admit it, he showed me something.

He got famous by talking out his ass. I’m not surprised he’s sticking with the formula.

I went 5-11, which seems fitting for the Redskins.

Only in season. Game wardens take that shit seriously.

Technically not true! Twitter isn’t a public forum where free speech laws hold. It’s a service provided by a private corporation. He only has that “right” as long as Twitter allows him to have it.