Blast Hardcheese!

Eternals is the rare MCU movie that at least had me thinking about it long after the credits rolled. It came up short on some execution, but credit for being at least something different.

I prefer Incontinentia Buttocks myself....

This is why Eternals excels as a film. Because at the end they have to fight a half-birthed baby. 

I’ll call Wesley Snipes right now.  Don’t even need a camera crew.

“Burk Sharpless”???

I’ll stick with this one.

i think the funniest thing about this whole movie are the weird marketing choices that put leto front and center and try to present him as some normal guy. he is notoriously a weirdo! he’s more famous for that than his acting!

It’s not such a big deal to me since I won’t be seeing this movie anyway, but must the entire story be described in the review? The second and third paragraphs read like a script summary. There might be some who would rather not go in with so many details spelled out ahead of time.

I will repeat this rant again: the main villain being the same as the hero (Abomination, Zod, Iron Monger, etc.) is, generally, just never the way to go for the first movie. I’m not against the idea in theory but I want my intro movies to really set up the stakes of how powerful the hero is, and having them basically…

He is exhausting.

Please explain your feelings about the *magnificent* Knives Out.

“Guys, hear me out: what if we make Alien, except super boring, and also you don’t give a shit about any of the characters.”

“Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, whose first credit was on Luke Evans’ 2014 vampire film Dracula Untold...”

I think it’s hard to come up with a good synonym, but I did read a few other reviews who were like “no one was really anticipating it, but we were seeing the trailer for a super long time so that’s the best word to use.” 

“and feels more disappointing after two years of anticipation for its release.” Serious question, was ANYONE anticipating this one? Like, if by anticipation you mean that people were aware it had been delayed and mildly curious when it would manage to get a full release, sure. But anticipating it? Excited to watch it?…

“Here’s the headline, boys: Leto the Right One In”

Low stakes! Long in the tooth! Bloodless performances! Just plain Vlad! Let the wrong one in! Plot twists that come from far left Renfield! Umm... too much Valium, not enough Allium?

I just re-watched that sketch on YouTube and paused it. Looks like Justin Theroux with a goofy wig on.

justin theroux, looks like