Randi is coming for your job, bro.

That’s perfect and now I’m annoyed that I didn’t think of it.

Can I just say, your GIF Diva game is amazing. Margo and Latrice? This atheist might go to that church...R’amen!

Once Americans decided that the slaughter of children was less important than an amendment made before semi automatic weapons were even conceived, and consciously voted for (or chose not to vote against) lawmakers that held with the idea I honestly gave up hope.

I get it, Matthew Mills. I too cannot believe that it ever happened. I can’t believe that someone killed twenty first graders and 6 school employees. I get that it’s impossible to accept that all that happened and still not a single thing has changed in our gun laws. I further can’t believe that the gun lobby and…

Jeez, haven’t these people read ANY time-travel fiction? Stuff like that always backfires. You kill baby Hitler, you’ll end up with robo-dinosaur Himmler in charge, who would be far, far worse. That’s how time-travel works: NEVER MESS WITH THE TIMELINE.

“I did a visualization meditation picturing myself as a mermaid finding gold in a treasure chest. I rediscovered Kurt’s golden hair in a secret forgotten compartment of my great grandma’s jewelry box.”

Watch out, prime minister of malaysia

What’s weird about it is that they can’t tell him that it’s right there. It’s not about the cookies.

I just did! But they made me pay off ALL my fines first, dammit. So now I’m on the list although they don’t officially have it yet. BUT CAN I WAIT THAT LONG?

In Victorian times jewelry made from the lock of a loved one’s hair was very common. It was often a beautifully crafted brooch like this:

Does Wiz Khalifa think Blackface is okay on October 31st because “it’s halloween for fucks sake”?

Spoiler alert: the Romans kill Jesus.

I too suffered the loss of an unexplained twitter-block. Kumail Nanjiani, if you’re out there, I still love you. Tell me what I did.

Don’t dress your baby in a black turtleneck. In fact, don’t wear a black turtleneck, period. As a garment, it is over. Move on, folks.

I can’t wait until every one of their daughters grow up and turn into Commie Liberal Pinkos to get back at them.

If she’s not completely comfortable, maybe it’s because a grown man just barked at her.